This week's recap is not going to rehash lessons learned from the designers' struggles and successes (though let's get it out there: these people have no idea when it comes to adding closures to children's clothing, do they?). Instead we are going to do something fun, inspired by this recent Gawker ranking of Michael Kors' most biting bon mots over the many seasons in which he reigned as Project Runway's resident catty Cathy.
I know many of us have grown fond of Kors' replacement, Zac Posen, who often offers the most informed critique of all the judges. What he doesn't do, however, is sling zingers. (His best comment during this episode: "It feels like it's stuck in the shtetl in Russia").
So this week I'm inviting you to play a round of What Would Michael Kors Say? I'll start us off — with the help of my six-year-old daughter, because who better to judge clothes for children than a real, actual child? (Don't judge; she didn't stay up late to watch — we looked at the runway photos over a bowl of cereal this morning). Leave your suggestions in the comments below!
Me: Esther, the Wild Western jester
Lucy: "That skirt looks like stuff you see at MoMath (the Museum of Mathmatics in Manhattan) — like, those tiles you arrange to make a pattern...I like it."
|(Zoomed in so you could see the black center back zipper)|
Lucy: "It looks like someone's buttcrack."
Me: What she said.
Me: The cutest little girl at the couch factory
Lucy: "This has a lot of bright colors — like something (Oonabaloona) would wear."
Me: Some reference to beheading that is totally innappropriate
Lucy: "The tannish color makes her look like a very cool American cowgirl. The little strings would go up and down while she rode her horse!"
Me: Frumpy goth lolita
Lucy: "She looks like a princess. I love it." (It should be noted that Emily actually has a children's line available on Etsy and it's very cute.)
The judges didn't care for Emily's look, but her model wins the keepin'-it-real award for these two runway moments:
Me: Eloise attending a "Yes vote" rally for Scottish independence
Lucy: "I want to be her. She looks like an American Girl. I want that jacket....(notices which designer it is) oh, it's Kini. Good. I was worried it was Sandhya."
Me: From the Shirley Temple toddler line "Lewdship Gollipop"
Lucy: "It's like a jumpsuit with a nice little tutu. (Pauses) It's a little kooky. (Sees that it's Sandhya's look) "It's hers? I hope she goes home."
Sandhya from the back:
Me: "Snaps up the center back? How would you put this thing back on after going to the bathroom?"Lucy: "It would take a long time....and your teacher would probably yell at you."
Lucy: "Ehhhh...it's...nice. But that face looks like someone who is trying to be happy but it really uncomfortable."
Me: "OK, but it's not Project Faceway."
Lucy: "Yeah... but I don't think she likes it."
Me: "And it looks like you can probably see her underpants through that lightweight cotton."
Lucy: "Not good."
Did anyone take it personally when Heidi's critique of this look included a dig at homesewers? She said Sean's '70s San Francisco-inspired outfit looked like it was from a "McCall's Pattern Book...a sew-it-yourself kind of thing." Minus the vest (with its incomplete peace sign — which is actually the Mercedes logo, duh), I thought it did look like something many of us might want to make for the little girls in our lives, so maybe Heidi was right. BUT: how much would this jumpsuit have benefitted from a bright print, drapier fabric, pockets and a gathered cuff?
Got any zingers to sling? Think like Michael Kors and leave your suggestions in the comments below!